Divorce – A Case Study

By: James Walsh

The Beginning

Melanie and Thomas had been high school sweethearts. She was the daughter of my maternal aunt. She was a good sportswoman, and that was why Thomas gelled in so well with her. They were both tall and good-looking, and would spend hours discussing league victories and drooling over their favourite football stars. Getting into college was easy for them, their achievements in sports helped them, and we all knew it. Their grades were not bad either, but they definitely weren’t the brightest couple around. Thomas got himself a job at a bank, and soon Mimmy and Tommy were walking down the aisle.

Around this time, I left town to go to university myself. Two years down the line I heard that Melanie’s marriage was on the rocks. When I returned home for my term-ending vacation, Melanie and Tom were not what they used to be. They had agreed on a ‘no faults’ divorce because they could not figure out specifically what was going wrong. They did not have big fights, but were constantly bickering. They still went on vacations, but got bored. Within two days of returning, they would be so tired that they would start planning for the next vacation. In legal terms, their marriage had ‘irrevocably broken down.’

Getting the Divorce

Melanie would have got her divorce much more easily if Tom didn’t go overboard with the drinking. The oncoming divorce was a strain greater than he could voice, and he took to drinking with a vengeance. Melanie kept her calm till Tom wrecked their car one night. She had put in a sizeable portion of her savings into it, and was not amused. Tom was mad that she was more angry about the car than concerned about his broken arm and sprained knee. That was their first major fight, and we could hear them all over the neighbourhood at three in the morning.

Shortly after this, Melanie downloaded a DIY divorce kit from the internet, and started getting their finances in shape. Tom did little to help her. He was too busy drowning himself in self-pity and alcohol. He neglected his work, though not badly enough to get fired. Melanie was getting the divorce in order and had filed for it through the kit. Unfortunately for her, things took an ugly turn all of a sudden. Tom had not been very attentive about the procedures till he came to the part which concerned the division of their assets. He was unhappy with the way Melanie had divided their money and property. She had kept the house for him, but wanted the computer (since only she used it anyway) and the repaired car for herself. The money had been split evenly between them. Tom felt this was unfair since he had done all the earning. Melanie pointed out that she had done all the saving and financial planning. By this time, she could not turn around and file for a divorce on the grounds of unreasonable conduct because the process might become too complicated and costly.

Luckily for Melanie, the firm from where she had bought the DIY pack had the provision for free consultation to its clients. She was not ready to believe this, and expected some hidden costs to come up on the way. But she really needed advice, and after some thought, wrote them a mail. The answer was prompt, sympathetic and useful. Encouraged, she followed up on phone, and even managed to get a solicitor’s appointment at a pretty low cost from the firm. Thereafter, she managed to strike a deal with Tom by getting him muddled with financial jargon. But she still did not have a fair deal, and there was nothing she could do about it, and there the divorce was finalised.

Coping

Melanie took up a job at a local supermarket shortly after the separation. Today, she runs her own home business from her pc, has hired an apartment, and started dating again. Tom is still drinking.

Melanie’s divorce and the need to earn had made her a stronger and better person. Tom, at the rate he is going, will be bankrupt in some time, despite having won most of the money, the house and the car. We make our own destiny.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/family/article_2567.shtml

Original Gift Ideas For Any Occasion

By: Sjoerd Eisma

I adore this time of the year! The weeks before Christmas have a special feel of their own and I just can’t wait to go hunting for presents for the whole family. When time is precious and the crowds fill the stores, what better way than to shop from the comfort of your own home by browsing the web. There is a wealth of Christmas presents on the Internet, with many sites offering good deals. We must remember that there are still birthdays to be celebrated at this time of year and other special occasions and I have made a selection offering ideas for all sorts of gifts. But also for other occasions I have found a lot of ideas for nice gifts. I have made a small selection to give you an idea:

Your name is a gift

My young kids love puzzles. A great personalized gift for a kid is a puzzle with their name. I have already given these to my kids and their friends so I know they are a big hit. People love to see their names on presents. In my father’s family it is a tradition to give a silver soup spoon to the newborn babies with their names engraved on it. We used to hang them in the kitchen and visitors would always comment on how special such a gift is.

Put your gifts in a basket

Gift baskets are very popular. There are simply tons of websites where you can choose gift baskets for any occasion, from birthdays and baby showers to wedding anniversaries and job promotions. It is an ideal way to present various little gifts and most people like to unpack several small presents. While gift baskets make wonderful presents, they can be very expensive and tend not to be very personal. That’s why I enjoy putting together my own custom gift baskets for friends and family. And, of course, I shop online to find the gifts to fill my basket.

Unique gifts are a treasure

My wife always keeps a box full of unique gifts she finds on the web in a special box. She orders these gifts from all over the world and when it is somebody’s birthday or wedding anniversary she will remember the special treasure box and will get one of her special gifts out. Sometimes it is a piece of nice jewelry, all the way from India, or a present for a child which isn’t available where we live. The Internet gives you access to all sorts of unusual and, often, hand-made presents.

Wacky gifts for golfers

It is easy to please golfing friends. They always need golf balls and you can buy cheap but good quality lake balls everywhere. I once received a golden tee, with my name engraved in it, from a friend and have always cherished it. Golf club money clips are also popular with golfers. A friend of ours, a keen golfer of course, once gave his wife a pair of sterling silver golf bag earrings. Some might call that tacky, but she loved them!

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/family/article_2482.shtml

Living With, And Understanding Grief

By: James C. Tanner

Throughout time, mankind has been raised to

produce, and re-produce. As generations and

cultures have developed, aspects or behaviors of

our past ancestors has been saved, discarded, or

perhaps lost. For most North Americans, we have

lost a sense of grief, what it is, and how we go

about doing it. How often do we hear of our

children being taught by their parents, the skill

of how to grieve well? One thing we all

experience in life is loss of the life of someone

near and dear to us. We as human beings, as great

as we are, scientifically speaking, begin to die

the moment we are born, for our cells die

continually from birth onward.

What Is Grief And The Process Of Grieving?

Grief, quickly defined, is our ability to deal

with loss. While we most often look at grief as

an emotional response, it also is reflected in

our social, cognitive, behavioral, philosophical,

and physical dimensions. Grief is most commonly

identified with the death of a loved one close to

us.

Two terms which are often used to mean the same

thing, speak to two different aspects of grief. “

Bereavement” is the state of loss, and “Grief” is

the reaction to loss. While traditionally, when

speaking on the subject of grieving one

immediately assumes this to mean death, but loss

can include loss of employment, friends, pets,

societal status, marriage, our sense of safety,

order in our lives, possessions, etc. Any form of

change in our life that brings with it loss,

results in grief. The way we respond to loss is

strongly influenced by our personality, culture,

family beliefs, as well as our spiritual and

religious beliefs.

Bereavement is a normal part of life for all of

us, although rarely recognized as such. The way

we react to loss can carry over into and harm

many of the relationships around us, and numerous

deep seated “mental illnesses” find their root in

a person at some past point of deep loss.

The Stages Of Grief.

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published a book “

Death and Dying”, MacMillan Publishing Company.

In this book she referred to the five stages of

dealing with catastrophic loss. In her original

text, Kubler-Ross was addressing the emotions a

terminally ill person experiences in coping with

knowing how they will die. In time these stages

have mutated to become known today as “The Five

Stages of Grief”. These stages are identified as,

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and

Acceptance.

While some in the field of clinical counseling

believe the grieving process is one stage

followed neatly by the other, truthfully, the

process of grieving is more like a spiraling

roller-coaster ride, where by one can revisit the

prior stages, several times before finally

letting go and moving on to the next stage in the

process. Sometimes we can skip a stage, or go

through three stages simultaneously.

Grieving is a work in progress, and should be

done completely, not assigning a time line which

includes a completion date. Often it’s not until

one has gone through the five stages of Grieving,

when all your friends have stopped their

expressions of sympathy, and people think you

should get on with life, that the real work of

grieving begins. Grief work is summarized by the

acronym TEAR. “T” - To accept the reality of loss.

“E” - Experience the pain of loss. “A” - Adjust

to your new environment without the object you

lost. “R” - Reinvest in your new reality.

TEAR can only begin once a person has reached the

“ACCEPTANCE” stage of the 5 Steps Of Grieving.

Giving credence to the argument that in reality

there are 9 stages to the grieving process and

not 5 as many mental health professionals believe,

or have been taught to believe. If we can accept

the identification of 9 stages of grief, then we

must also recognize for those we know and love

who are going through this process, the last 4 of

the nine stages are often journeyed through alone,

after the friends walk away, after the courts

assign closure to the legal processes, after

those around you begin to believe it’s time you

need to get on with your life. It’s at stage 6

where the real work of grieving begins, for one

begins and goes through this work very, very,

very much alone.

How Long Does Grieving Take?

While cultures over the history of man have

assigned periods of time to this process, we

truly never stop grieving the object of our loss

in life. When we reflect on that loss, we will

respond and react emotionally to varying degrees,

and for varying periods of time. While some have

said. “Time heals all wounds”, in the case of

grieving this is not so, we, over time, grieve to

a lesser level of intensity, and perhaps shorter

periods of time, learning to move on with life in

the face of our loss, but we rarely forget the

object of our loss.

The key to grieving is to embrace it and grieve

well.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/family/article_2539.shtml